hey you! yeah, you! got any tasty star bits?

Half way through the year to my birthday and bad months... dread. I think I figured out what I initially want for a first round order of furniture, Sorbet levelling is proceeding really well, Estelline msq is struggling, and fic is so-so. Having a lot of trouble with only being able to read very little and feeling overly critical of myself lately.

I also got a different supplement with a lower folate amount and my body isn't reacting badly to it (it's 100 for one, you're meant to take two a day, so I'll work up to that). Baby steps.

Drives were did! Thursday my duo and I were very fortunate and got through the first two tiers no problem, and the same with the third tier on Friday. Saturday I did the last two tiers solo and it truly was a mixed bag of leavers and brand new DPS players (I am plat/diamond border. I should not be seeing this, ever), but I got there in the end. We... did not succeed with our final day of the season goals in stadium though, LMAO. Terrible time to do it when the playerbase is largely in comp so matchmaker is even more erratic... lesson learned. I really hope they don't do stadium drives at the same time as comp drives next season, or at the very least, lock it to some experience of the mode...?? I'll miss Dokiwatch. Magical girlies you deserved so much more than what they gave you.



I did finally get myself a galactic weapon though! As you may recall, I was debating getting golds for every female character in the game, which is still a secondary option once I get a few more galactics. I have learned the hero gallery preview does them zero justice and makes them textureless blobs, and there's really no way to preview it other than getting it yourself or catching someone using one and going to check it out in the replay viewer to see how nice it is. I definitely want galactics for D.Va, Juno and Brigitte, and have enough for another one right now, I'll simply have to decide which...

The one I did get first was for Mercy. She was my first gold weapon, she has my most playtime, it has to be her. Never escaping the Mercy main allegations.



The purple as a complimentary accent for the blue is soooo nice, though. (Might have made financial choices with the Freja legendary and princess Mercy skins. The skin itself had to grow on me but the weapons were instantly my favourite Mercy models. Listen there was too much specifically made for me this season alright).




Purble.

Season 17 tomorrow! Pray for Ashe things. 🙏 Pls give me access to old BP content Blizzard I want one Ashe highlight intro only. 😭

Been feeling increasingly distressed at my inability to look after myself, aka, the fact I can't clean and dust my flat. 🫠 The dust in particular. I don't really know what to do about it; it's not something that can be done in a slow and steady fashion when the slow and steady you're now capable of is maybe one object per day. Like that is absolutely not achievable, not only as thing would be dusty again by the time I finish doing one area but because the base of where the object is has to be wiped down, all objects need to moved first.

Taking a week to do a section felt rough, taking a month to do an even smaller section felt worse, and now I can't do it at all. I am incredibly envious of normal bodies being able to entirely clean their living spaces in one or two afternoons. As always, if I didn't have to eat or clean up following that, imagine how many more spoons I might have... food truly is the source of all my predicaments...

I've thought about maybe just paying someone to clean but the only thing I'd be comfortable with someone doing that for would be my bathroom, and possibly the kitchen. Everything else is a no go; frankly I don't trust a stranger with being careful enough with my precious things, and I need to put things back in their proper places myself. There's also just, we're still in a pandemic lmao and I don't like strangers in my safe space considering I can't leave it and I can't tolerate having people in my living space as is (thanks PEM), I can't see my family. Anyways.

Still haven't had the energy to look into bathroom stuff - the weekend has been quiet on the noise front, but now the adrenaline has gone I feel awful and my body has taken this as a convenient means to wake up after four hours of sleep routinely again (bad). But amidst distress I've been recontemplating furniture. I have a desk in my room, which I don't use for intended purpose. I had it because when I moved out I was still studying and it was useful when living with someone. Since I got ME, and I was living alone before that, I have used it... maybe twice. If anything it's a convenient height surface to put things on. The drawer is useful, as is its side storage, but I might be better off getting some more billy bookcases (with doors), maybe shuffling the location of some stored things around, and using the new spaces as figure display...?? I'm still ruminating honestly. I do like the not-desk, I just think the space could be better utilised... it's a tough one.

Then there's the nagging voice of "but what if I need it (doesn't like change)" and "but what if I need it (I get better)". The second of those is a cruel thought to carry around. But this is how it always feels when removing society-normal things out of my life; it's having to admit that you won't, surrender a bit more hope, and mourn even more.